Here at Mutt we don’t believe in silly things like resolutions or self-improvement. We are as God made us. Which is to say, we are a bunch of gluttonous pigs. We eat too much. Steal a lot. Cheat, lie and deceive. And go through each other’s desk drawers when no one is looking.

Do I think the people here at Mutt are bad or immoral? Not really. Not when everyone else is doing it. And besides, I kinda like getting screwed over. It makes me feel as though people really love and respect me. And the only way they know how to show it is by stealing my power cord or lying to me about the whiskey bottle they nicked from my drawer. That’s friendship here at Mutt. And this year I intend to respond in kind.

As for the rest of ya’ll who are committed to a year of improvement, moral servitude and perhaps even perfection, I wish you the best of luck. If/when you fall off the wagon feel free to swing by Mutt. In 2012 it’s business as usual here.